So you are new to the online fetish community/Fetlife: What to take into consideration

Let me start out by saying a big WELCOME. We all have different things that brought us to this place in our lives. Some people have been doing this longer, while others (like you) are just beginning their journey, or maybe you have been living it for a while and just found out that you are not alone, or anything in between. No matter what your experience is or why you came here, you are in good company. Most people who are new to things are completely lost about where to start and as a result can sometimes find themselves either not staying out in the open long, or possibly getting hurt along the way. The things I am going to suggest are just that, suggestions. You do not have to take the advice if you do not want to, but I would recommend at least taking it into consideration before you decide to do anything. All of this advice is based on first-hand experience, mistakes, things done right, and lessons learned the hard and painful way.

Since you are reading this online, I will start out with the online world. There are some AMAZING resources to learn from on the net, and I suggest you find some of the resources I am going to suggest. The biggest one is FetLife, if you are already a member there you have a good start. Others include Kink Academy for education about a wide selection of topics, The Leather Archives for those who have an interest and curiosity in the leather lifestyle, BDSM Terms if you just want to know what everything means, and many more. Now, the question is, what are you looking for. Are you looking to meet someone to play with, maybe a mentor, or just other people who are like you that you can talk freely with? There are an insane number of sites available to you for whatever you want.

Fetlife is a bit like the Myspace or Facebook of the fetish community. It is a wonderful place to find just about anything you are looking for. You can find local events, friends you already know, make new friends, network on a professional level (if you are in an adult industry or sex friendly career), find groups to just chat and waste time, groups to be able to learn and share your knowledge, or just perve around and look at sexy pics/writings. The basic things you should take into consideration for your profile is what kind of presence you want. It helps to have an about me section filled out and something of a profile picture. If you want to remain private you can just use a picture that speaks to you, but does not show your face. Think of what you want people to know about you right away, and what you want them to have to take the time and learn about you. Use this as a guide for the about me section. If you are looking for something more than just simple networking, you have the option to say so. For the women out there though, I would not recommend this. Ladies, you can do everything right and even put that you are in a closed relationship and still get HUNDREDS of messages looking for a hookup/relationship/whatever dynamic. Guys, while you may still get some it will be much less and potentially non-existent if you do not advertise you are looking. Sorry, it just appears to be a sad reflection of the reality of internet mentality.

There is also Collar Space (formerly collarme.com) where you can go to meet people. This is a site focusing on D/S, M/s, and switch dynamics. Think a D/S version of adult friend finder. Given this fact, should you decide to use Collar Space you need to be careful. I personally would not suggest looking for ANY dynamic online as it is hard to get to know people well enough to have the level of trust needed for BDSM dynamics. It is way too easy for sexual predators to run around pretending to be a “dom” or “master/mistress” when in reality they are just looking for new prey. Take your time and interview any potential people and get references. If they are not willing to do either of these, chances are that nothing healthy will come from them. If they have something to hide, they are not going to be a good person to be in any dynamic with.

When it comes to education, it can be hard to determine what is an accurate source and what is not. As with most educational topics, try and find at least 3 different sources which do not refer to 1 primary reference. This will allow for you to find more consistent information. KinkAcademy is a great site with over 130 different educators that cover a wide range of topics. There are some free videos on the site, but most of the content is subscription based. While $25 per month is a great deal for what you can get, not everyone can afford that. In that case, you can find some great groups on Fetlife for whatever you are curious about. Depending on what you are into there can be literally dozens of sites, if not more, that will teach you anything you could possibly think of. There are many quality sites out there though and trying to give you a list of my favorite would be easier as its own post. You can find a good number of sites on my links page.

The advice given above is a culmination of personal experience and from many in my local community. As you can see, with so many websites available, finding what you are looking for can be a bit overwhelming when you are new. You have found a good place to start, as I plan to provide thorough information on a wide range of topics. If you have any questions about anything I mentioned above, feel free to send me a message and I will be happy to answer it. Check out my other posts, as well as the link section where you will find all of the links above and many more.

#fetish #education #beginner