BDSM Terms 101 - Part 1

I am sure that I have used some terms with which you may not be familiar with. While you could just look them up online, I would like to provide you with the definitions that I feel are best suited to each term. I am doing this because some terms may have a slightly different meaning for different people. By telling you the definitions that I use, you will be able to have a better idea of the context for my posts.

This first post is going to cover a few of the basics which you will see everywhere. I chose these specific terms to start with as the meanings do not change much at all. All the definitions in quotes are taken from the Merriam-Webster online dictionary.

Fetish - By definition, a fetish is "an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression." What this is generally taken to mean, and how I personally see it; is an act or item which you need to get off or can get you off with no other forms of stimulus needed.

Kink - Anything that can be considered as a sexualy deviant or "bizarre" behavior. Basically this is anything that turns you on and is not the traditional type of sex.

Fetish and kink can be interchangeable in many cases, and I will switch between the two because one person's kink is another's fetish. I will let you know if I am talking about a situation in which the literal meaning is being used.

BDSM - This is an acronym for specific fetishes and kinks. B/D, D/S, S/M. B/D is bondage and discipline, D/S is dominance and submission, and S/M is sadism and masochism. The term BDSM has become a general catch all for fetish as most people combine different fetishes/kinks. D/S is a good example of this as a Dom might use discipline as a technique to ensure that the Sub behaves.

Vanilla - You might also see me use the word mundane. Both of these are used to describe daily life, situations, locations, people or actions which are of the ordinary or non-kinky variety.

Dynamic - In a fetish/kink setting, dynamics are a different term for relationship. It is used to describe a relationship which may not be romantic or sexual. You can have you romantic partner, a Dom, a Sub, and a mentor if you want. You might be sexually active with only your partner, your Dom might bend you over their knee for spankings, your Sub might give you massages and cook you dinner, and your mentor is there to guide and teach you. You might also find someone who you are able to have multiple dynamics with or you might include sex as part of a D/S dynamic.

Lifestyle - "A particular way of living : the way a person lives or a group of people live," this is a more touchy term to define. As you see, the definition can be a bit open to interpretation. I will ALWAYS use it to describe those who take part in fetish or kink of some type. Just because one person has the ability to incorporate fetish into their daily life, they are no more living the lifestyle than someone who is not in a position to be able to or might not be comfortable with that. I will go more into this in a couple of future posts.

Community - “a unified body of individuals: such as the people with common interests living in a particular area; broadly : the area itself” In the case of the fetish, BDSM, or leather communities it is a group of like minded individuals with whom you are able to converse with, learn from and teach, and generally go to for most things you might need advice or help with. The local communities tend to be close groups that are welcoming to new members and quickly become a wonderful support network.

These are just a few of the terms which you will see in my posts, as well as on other sites. There are as many different terms as there are fetishes, which is continuing to grow all the time. A number of terms can be a bit more personal interpretation which can become confusing. I will be covering some of these terms in the near future to try and provide you with my views on the most commonly used ones.

#beginner #fetish #education #terminology