BDSM Terms 101: Part 2
- ambrosiaswisdom
- Sep 20, 2014
- 5 min read
With my last post, I talked about terms that have more solid meanings. In this post, I will cover some more which have a set definition which hardly ever varies in interpretation. I am also going to start to get into the definitions which are open to individual views. Again, all definitions in quotes are from the dictionary unless otherwise stated. All interpretations are my own and are meant to guide you in how I am using these terms.
MUNCH - A MUNCH is an event that is held on a set schedule that allows for any members of the fetish community in a certain area to get together. It is designed to be a safe setting for everyone so that you can meet new people who are like minded and find out about what is going on in your area. They are usually held as a lunch or dinner at a public restaurant or bar, but you might also see them held at coffee shops or other safe places.
Dungeon - Within the normal world, a dungeon is a place where people are held captive and tortured or punished for crimes. By definition it is "a dark usually underground prison or vault" with the concept of torture coming from the Renaissance period where that was the go to method of receiving a confession and for punishment.
This is far from what it is now used to talk about. Within the fetish world, a dungeon is a place that you can safely take part in scenes while someone can keep an eye out for potential dangers. In a number of areas you can find a local dungeon which you are able to pay to use during the set hours, with educational and other groups or events taking place during the other times. They best way to describe these dungeons is that they are an educational center with open scene time. You also have other types of dungeons that I will talk about in a dedicated post.
Vetting - In this and many other areas of life, vetting is the process by which you "evaluate for possible approval or acceptance". What this means is that you take the time to find out what you can about the person before you make a decision to do whatever with them. People are vetted before being invited to a private party, normally by means of having someone vouch for the new person. People vet potential partners for scenes to know what they are getting into. Employers vet employees before hiring them, generally by running a background check and drug test. This is just a normal part of being an adult and can be rather handy when you are new or meeting someone for the first time.
Limits - There are 2 types of limits in the fetish community, hard and soft. By definition a limit is "something that bounds, restrains, or confines" or "something that is exasperating or intolerable". Generally these two definitions are descriptive of the two types of limits.
A soft limit is generally something that you have said you are willing to try within a set of confining conditions. Think of it as something you are not 100% comfortable with, but are willing to push your own boundaries and try with caution.
A hard limit is something that is 100% not going to happen. You have a fear of needles, you may want to say anything involving needles is off limits. Hard limits can exist for any reason be it physical, mental, emotional, or maybe it is just an all around ick to you.
Safewords - This is one of the things which I feel is extremely important. Safewords are your way of saying "STOP!!!" without out the stigma of no means yes. Originally safewords was a word or phrase that you would say when you wanted the scene to stop. They have since evolved as people had different needs. You now have 2 types of safewords in use, ones that mean stop and ones that mean "I need a break" or slow down. They can range from a word or phrase to a physical movement, depending on the person and type of scene. I am going to be posting an entire topic dedicated to safewords and the forms they can take.
Perving - Generally you will see me mention perving or things to perve in regards to sexy pictures or writings online. This does not mean that you are perverted for doing that. It has become a way of saying that you are browsing fetish content in you're bored or have free time.
If you see me say "Perv" then I am referencing someone who is kinda creepy and makes people feel uncomfortable in a sexual way. I am more likely to refer to those people as "Creepy McCreeper" or just creepers.
Scene - A scene can range from a specific set of actions that happen to be kinky with a person whom you are not in a dynamic with, to any fetish/kink actions that are pre discussed be it in private or public. I know people who feel that scenes are only if you do something in a public setting (like a party or dungeon). There is one main reason why I do not see things this way. What is the difference between kissing in public and kissing in private, absolutely none. Just because you may not know it, doesn't mean that a good kiss won't leave me dripping wet. So when it comes to something viewed as sexual, why should it be any different?
I personally view it as a pre discussed set of actions taken by 2 people who are not using it as a method of foreplay or during a regular sexual encounter. This does not mean that sex can't be part of a scene, just that it is not the main emphasis or motivation for the scene.
Play - I had not been planning on talking about play, as scenes and fetish are not a game. I realized that while I may see things this way, not everyone does though. Also the word play comes up in a number of different fetishes and might be confusing.
In fetish, you will find people who use the word play to mean taking part in a scene, having sex, just goofing around and any number of other things. I personally do not like these uses of play as you have to know the person to know what they mean. I am going to be blunt and state things as what they are generally so for use with my blog you will not see "play(ing)" much.
Where you will see the word used is when I am mentioning some types of fetishes. Edge play, knife play, needle play, rope play, play piercing, pet play, and many more. So what does play mean in this context? Really it is just a way of saying that you are using a tool, simulating the action of, or doing something that the other word states. Again, I can and will be dedicating at least one post to definitions of different fetishes later.
As you can see, we have only scraped the top of things with what I have covered so far. With so much more to cover in the way of commonly used terms I have 2 more posts planned currently, with others coming to mind daily. If you have not read it yet, check out my other posts of definitions.
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